A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog,
screaming for help.

The vet rushes him back to an
examination room and has him put his dog down on
the examination table.

The vet examines the still,
limp body and after a few moments tells the man
that his dog, regrettable, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept
this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with
a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body.

The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking
and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet
and meows. The vet looks at the man and says,
"I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black labrador.

The lab sniffs the
body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the
vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm
sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the
vet and asks how much he owes.

The vet answers, "$650.

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you
$50 for my initial diagnosis.

The additional $600 was
for the cat scan and lab tests."

I'd pet him frist


Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"

The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".